Wednesday, July 06, 2005

When the ER feels familiar it might be time to leave NYC

It turns out that by 4:00 yesterday what I thought was just some bad bruising and scrapes was really a concussion and torn muscle. I was in a meeting when all of a sudden I got the most intense headache and started seeing spots and flashes. I thought it might be the beginning of another migrane, but when I stood up to go to my office I was so dizzy I almost fainted. I managed to make it back without bursting into tears but as soon as the door was closed I lost it. I don't think I've ever been in so much pain. I could hardly walk and I really thought I might be having an aneurism. I've never been more scared. I took a cab to the ER (the very same ER that treated me for the last cab accident) and proceeded to have a breakdown once I got there and realized I couldn't stand. They took me in a wheelchair back to a bed and pumped me full of morphine and scared me even more by running around in hushed tones, calling the neurologist and checking on me every 2 minutes. After the tests were done they concluded I had a concussion and soft tissue damage. The doctor said that I should stay the night to be monitored but I really couldn't take it. Babies were screaming, the man next to me was handcuffed to the bed and the woman across the hall had just been raped. It was all so horrifying and terrifying I just wanted to go home. They told me that if there was someone that I could call to spend the night with me and watch me I could go. I lied and said that there was, that there was someone worried and waiting for me, and they told me to set an alarm clock for every hour and make sure I woke up and was able to walk. I thanked them, took the prescription for more painkillers and went home to a dark and lonely apartment. I've never wanted someone to hold me more and tell me that I was going to be ok, but instead I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. Obviously since I'm posting this all is well and I'm up and about but the whole thing has really shaken me and made my heart the heaviest it's ever felt. To top everything off I just got an email from the security guard at work letting me know that someone stole my tire last night since I wasn't able to take my bike home. Its been a pretty fucking low day for a bug.